Adia
by Dragynflies
Summary: Takes place directly after Loss. Olivia and Alex deal with the repercussions of the events of this episode as Alex faces a whole new life.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Adia

**Pairing**: Alex/Olivia established  
**Rating**: T  
**Season/Spoilers**: Spoilers for "Loss" and "Ghost"  
**Author's Notes**: I wanted to mention that I live in Wisconsin and disliked much the way Alex said "Wisconsin is so quiet at night" in "Ghost" :) I put her in Altoona because I live near there and quite frankly, it does fit the disdain in Alex's voice. The streets and locations in this fic are real, cause I'm a loser.

Adia is a Swahili name that means "gift" for any other naming fanatics. :)

XXXXX symbolizes a time/scene shift. Feedback is appreciated.

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Elliot and Olivia stood still in the dark, watching the dimming lights of the caravan pull away. Tears flowed freely down Olivia's ashen cheeks as Elliot wrapped strong arms around her shoulders. He searched his brain for the right words, any words, to tell Olivia that things were going to be okay.

He came up short. Instead, he pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head, allowing Olivia to turn and bury her face into his shirt.

"Shhhh," he whispered, knowing nothing he said would even be heard, much less accepted, "Liv..."

"We finally were moving forward, Elliot," her voice was muffled by his shirt, "We had everything we wanted. We have an appointment in two days to sign our lease, El. Two days."

Elliot nodded, not knowing how to respond. He'd known that Olivia and their ADA had been involved, on again and off again, for several years. Olivia had kept that part of her life locked up securely outside of the job and he doubted anyone outside of their immediate circle of friends knew of their relationship.

He walked Olivia back to the car, settling her in the passenger seat and buckling her seat belt. Olivia allowed him these actions and Elliot felt oddly grateful for the opportunity to do something other than stand around and stare in shock at the events of the night.

They were fifteen minutes into their drive when Olivia raised her head from her hands and spoke again, "We...oh God, Elliot," a hiccup, and then more, "We were going to have a baby. We went to the doctor almost two weeks ago for the insemination. That's why we picked out the new place, instead of sharing one of ours," she stared blankly out the window, speaking in a flat voice, "We wanted a two bedroom. Elliot, I don't even know if it worked. I don't even know..."

"Who?" Elliot asked suddenly.

"Who what?"

"Which of you...the baby," Elliot stumbled, trying vainly to add this information to an already overloaded brain.

"Alex," she whispered, placing her hand against her forehead, "She said it would be safer for her...she said the desk work would kill me. She didn't want me to get hurt on the job while I was pregnant," She snorted bitterly.

Elliot reached over, grasping the hand still lying in Olivia's lap. He knew nothing he could say would ever make any of this right again.

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Alex rested her forehead against the glass of the window as the sedan drove away from the only home she'd ever known.

"Olivia," she whispered, blinking back tears that threatened to fall. The agent sitting next to her -- he'd introduced himself, but for all she'd heard he might have been speaking Greek -- patted her on the back in a vague motion of comfort. It didn't help.

"We're going to go to a safe house tonight, Miss Isaacs," he said, "We've got medical personal available if you should need it. We'll want you to recuperate before we move you to your home."

Recuperate. As if that were possible, surrounded by people for whom she was a job, not a friend. Who held her responsible for the death of Agent Donovan. Who weren't Olivia.

She nodded twice, closing her eyes against the tears that had escaped their prison and begun winding down her cheeks.

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Elliot pulled up in front of Olivia's building, double-parking and turning on his light. He turned to his silent partner who hadn't moved since she'd accepted his hand thirty minutes ago.

"Olivia, you're home."

Olivia nodded, "Thanks," but made no move to get out of the car.

"Let me walk you up, Liv. I'll call Kathy and tell her...something. Whatever. Liv, I don't want to leave you alone."

"No, Elliot. Go home to Kathy. I need to be by myself right now," she spoke evenly now, the tears dried. Already she was slipping back into Detective Benson, pushing away emotion and withdrawing into herself.

Elliot slipped from the car, opening her door and clicking her seat belt. She allowed him to pull her to her feet and guide her to the door. She opened the door and then turned, moving out of his supportive arms, "I really do need to be alone, Elliot," she said softly, "Please, let me be alone."

"Olivia, please," Elliot started, then stopped, "Alright. You call if you need anything. I don't care what time, or what day. When you need something, you call."

"Thank you," she turned from him, walking into her building without a glance backward. If she had, Elliot would have seen the new tears replacing the dried streaks on her face.

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TWO WEEKS LATER  
6:00 AM central time  
126 Crestview Rd  
Altoona, WI 54701

Emily Olivia Isaacs woke up at six to the shrill beeping of an unfamiliar alarm clock. She slapped at it a few times with her good arm, finally pushing it to the floor.

Three hours of sleep, Alexandra she thought to herself you're improving

Alex pulled on her robe, and rose from the too-big bed. She walked slowly into the kitchen, turned on the coffee pot and pulled a banana from a bowl on the counter. Moving carefully into the living room, she checked to make sure the blinds were still pulled tightly across, keeping out the morning sunlight...any anything else that might seek to enter.

She padded to the bathroom, dropping the banana peel into the garbage on her way, and stared at her unfamiliar reflection.

She'd moved to Altoona, Wisconsin three days prior after having her blonde hair dyed auburn and forgoing her black-rimmed glasses in exchange for brown contacts. There was nothing unusual about Emily's appearance save for the twin wounds in her shoulder, already growing closed but never disappearing.

She'd been presented with a small four-door silver Taurus and a cozy two-bedroom home in a small suburb. The kitchen was reasonable stocked, though the officials said she'd probably want to do her own shopping at the market downtown soon. There had been a single bottle of shampoo, a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste in the bathroom and clean sheets on the bed. A few non-descript jeans and t-shirts were folded neatly in the drawers of her bedroom, and a smaller drawer held several undergarments.

Alex saw no immediate need to leave the confines of her prison.

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Olivia walked up the stairs to the station house, unwilling to spend a moment more than necessary in the apartment that only served to remind her of what she'd lost. As per usual, she found herself alone in the precinct for nearly two hours before Captain Cragen joined her.  
"Coffee?" she offered, pointing at the hour-old pot. The first she'd made had been finished in record speed.

"Olivia," Cragen began, then closed his mouth, poured a cup of coffee, and walked into his office. He would wait until she was ready.

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THREE WEEKS LATER

For the sixth morning in a row, an attempt to brew coffee had Alex kneeling in front of the toilet, retching violently. She grasped the sides of the seat with her palms, willing her stomach to settle before venturing out of her apartment to work. And then to her doctor's appointment, scheduled for 4:45, where a doctor would tell her the information she already knew and a whole new chapter of her whole new life would open. Whether it be for better or worse, Alex hadn't yet decided.

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After another monotonous day in the dredges of the cubical ridden State farm Agency, Alex was ready to throw herself out the window. She had never missed the inside of a courtroom as much as she did when she was at new job. Even during her suspensions and vacations, she always knew she would be able to return to her career. Now, she didn't even know if she'd be living in the same house the following week.

She pulled the silver car onto Clairemont Avenue, driving into the center of Eau Claire and pulling into the parking lot of Luther Hospital. She sat still in her car for a moment, attempting to collect her thoughts and calm her nerves.

The appointment was really only a formality, Alex already knew what the doctor was going to say. Five weeks ago, she would have flipped over backwards and sent off fireworks on the steps in front of the precinct. Now, she wasn't even sure she wanted to continue with it.

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Olivia gulped down the dark, cold coffee and stood up from her desk, closing the manila folder and dropping it onto her completed pile, "I'm done and out."

Elliot glanced up from his own paperwork, "Okay, Liv. You're sure you don't want to stay and help me finish up mine?"

Olivia snorted gracefully, "No, but thanks for the offer. I have a date with my television and a cheese pizza."

Sliding into the back of the yellow cab, she leaned her head back and inhaled, letting her eyes drift shut.

_Five weeks. It's been five weeks._ Five weeks, and nothing. She didn't know what she expected, really.

Of course Alex couldn't just call her and say, "Hey, I'm living in Texas and my name is Reba. Whatcha up to?"

It didn't mean Olivia didn't hope. Handing the cabbie a folded bill, she rose from the seat and headed for her apartment.

Unlocking the door, she stepped inside the apartment that still smelled like Alex. Her perfume still sat on the dresser, her shampoo still on the shelf in the bathroom. It was as though Olivia was only waiting for Alex to return from a late night at work.

She had held up a good front at work in recent days, laughing and joking with her coworkers. Cragen had offered her vacation time, but she had refused. The last thing she needed now was the time to sit at home and mope. At least work took her mind off of Alex, and what might have been. She ran her hand over her flat stomach and wondered what Alex was doing, whether the insemination had worked, whether they were going to have a child. Wondered what color her hair was, what color her eyes were, if they let her keep glasses. If they let her keep any part of Alex. And, if she found Velez, if there would still be an Alex to bring home.

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"Well, Miss Isaacs," the doctor began, looking Alex straight in the eye, "Your assumptions are correct. You are just about seven weeks along, following your date of last period and assumed date of conception. I'd like to schedule an ultrasound for sometime in the next couple of weeks to better determine a due date for you."

Alex nodded, staring blankly at her hands.

The doctor raised an eyebrow, "Miss Isaacs? Emily? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. Thank you, Dr. Harrison," Alex's voice was flat.

The doctor handed Alex a few pamphlets and a recommendation for prenatal vitamins, "Here is some information in case..." she trailed off, "And, if you are planning to continue this pregnancy, I'd recommend these prenatal vitamins as soon as possible."

Alex accepted the papers, nodding her thanks at the doctor who seemed so concerned for her. Suddenly, she realized what she looked like...a single, adult female who refused to name her child's father and understood the sympathy pangs in her doctor's eyes. She was struck suddenly with an urge to explain that this child was extremely wanted...by a family back in New York that no longer existed. That she had paid time and money in order to have this child now growing in her womb.

Alex left the hospital with a new shine in her eyes, dropping the pamphlets titled "Adoption" and "Abortion" into the garbage can on the way out the door. She folded the recommendation for prenatal vitamins into her purse and made a mental note to stop at the store on the way home from work tomorrow.

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Four Months Later

Alex curled up in the corner of her couch, tucking her legs as close to herself as her belly would allow. She rubbed a gentle circle where the baby kicked, smiling slightly as she felt the baby kick back against her hand.

Littering the coffee table were her numerous scrap booking supplies and an updated pale pink scrapbook, documenting every detail of her pregnancy beginning with her first doctors appointment. The book was opened to the most recent page, her daughter's 23-week ultrasound pictures. She wanted to document everything she could for Olivia. She knew how much Olivia wanted this child, and she would be heartbroken to realize all the potential months...years...she had missed.

Alex was surprised to learn how much she enjoyed working on Adia's scrapbook, enjoyed all the little stickers and cutouts and ways of arranging weekly belly pictures, taken at first with a disposable camera and then with her new digital camera complete with timer. Weeks seven to fifteen featured a white flash where Alex's face ought to be, compliments of the reflection off the bathroom mirror. 15 to 23 were crystal clear. The camera had been a fantastic investment, and she knew Olivia would love watching her belly swell with their daughter week by week.

Adia rolled and shot a kick at the inside of her mother's womb, bringing Alex out of her reverie. Alex finished stenciling the letters of her daughter's name into the spaces between the ultrasound pictures, enjoying the peace of the evening. She was slowly slipping into her life as Emily Isaacs, becoming more at ease with her tedious job and gradually beginning to make friends. It didn't mean she missed Olivia any less, or that she was any less eager to return to her home, but the constant fear had receded and she no longer feared the drive to work every day. She ran her fingers over the stenciled letters, thanking whatever god had made the insemination a success and given her Adia, even while taking everything else in her life away.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia leaned back in her chair, running a graceful hand through her cropped hair and listening to the vertebrae in her neck pop. She dropped the case file onto her desk, allowing it to fall closed.

"This is going nowhere fast, Elliot. Can we get a search warrant for the Michaels house? Call Casey, would you?"

Elliot returned the exhausted look his partner sent him and got Casey on the phone without argument, "Hey Case? We need a warrant...for the Michaels case? We have DNA inside the vic...yes...no...Case, come on. Please? Alright, thank you," a click and then an exasperated sigh, "She'll work on it."

"Fantastic. Meanwhile, Michaels can go right on ahead with his perverted little escapade and we'll just take notes. What else do we have?"

"You have at least a few hours to go get some sleep, that's what you have," Cragen announced, walking up to their joined desks, "You guys have been on this for almost 20 hours. Get some sleep. Crash in the crib or go home, I don't care, but take some time to catch a nap."

Elliot nodded his thanks, grabbing his keys and heading for the door without question. Olivia stood up too, thanking Cragen and heading for the crib. It seemed to be the only time she got true uninterrupted rest, maybe because her body was trained to sleep without Alex there or maybe because the crib held no personal memories of the blonde ADA the way Olivia's bedroom did. Either way, she was glad for the reprieve and headed eagerly for the creaky bunks.

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Dear Mama,  
I am 35 weeks old in mommy' s belly today. Dr. Harrison says I am growing well and soon I will be ready to come out and join the world. Mommy is excited to meet me and she wishes you could be there when she does. My name is Adia Grace Benson Isaacs, which mommy says is a mouthful. The pictures on this page are my newest pictures. Dr Harrison says this is a 3D picture and mommy says you can see my pretty face very well. Mommy has gained so far 24 pounds with me. She says she doesn't remember what her feet look like anymore, but she says that she is glad that you aren't supposed to dye your hair when you are pregnant. She let it go back to blonde and cut all the red hair off. Mommy reads to me every night and she tells me stories about you. Even though I've never met you, you are important and mommy wants to make sure I know you for when I do meet you. I hope it's soon. I love you, Mama.

Love,  
Adia Grace

Alex fitted the last of the ultrasound pictures in a circle around Adia's letter to Olivia. She set the timer on the camera, standing sideways against the tan wall of the living room so Olivia could see how big she had gotten. She'd nervously asked Dr. Harrison if she was sure Adia wasn't twins and had only been slightly offended when Dr. Harrison had laughed.

She hoped Olivia would like Adia's name, would like the meaning Alex had intended. She wondered what color hair Adia was going to have, what color eyes. She'd counted fingers on the ultrasound screen, but was mostly relying on Dr. Harrison's assurance that there were ten. Adia looked perfect, the doctor had assured her. The last picture Alex pasted into the book had Adia's profile, with one hand raised as if in greeting. It was Alex's favorite picture and she knew Olivia would love it too.

She slid her hands almost unconsciously over her stomach, wishing that Olivia were there to share this experience with her. she will be with you for the next one she thought suddenly. If she thought otherwise, if she thought that maybe, she would never see Olivia again and that Emily really was all that she had left, she didn't think she would make it. she had to think in terms of "home" and "witness protection" because if she merged the two, she would lose herself.

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Dear Alex,  
Today marks the 32nd week of life without you. I hope you are safe, wherever you are and I hope you are happy. Did they ask you where you wanted to go, or did they just pick whatever place they thought safe? Where do you live? Do you finally have a house or did they stick you in an apartment? I miss you every day. I used to laugh at those stupid harlequin romance novels where all the man can think about is the beautiful woman who he wants more than life itself. I never thought my life would imitate that particular genre of literature. I wonder every day if you are safe and I worry that one day, I will wake up and you will have moved on with your life.

If the insemination worked, you will be 34 weeks pregnant. Are you? Did you keep it? Is it a boy or a girl, or nothing but a figment of my overactive imagination? I wish I knew...I wish I knew some way to find you. I would, you know. I would give up my badge and my gun to be with you again. You always told me that SVU is in my blood, but you never told me you were in my heart and that you would always win over my blood.

I love you, Alex.

Olivia

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Alex gasped sharply, slamming on the breaks and pulling over to the side of the road as another contraction hit. They hadn't talked about this in any of her "what to expect" books. What do single parents do when they go into labor? They mop up the amniotic fluid off the kitchen floor, grab their overnight bag and drive themselves to the hospital.

Sure, Alex reasoned, she could have called Martin, but Martin would have wanted to stay and hold her hand and feed her ice chips and quite frankly, Alex didn't want anyone but Olivia taking over those specific tasks, and if Olivia couldn't do it, Alex would fend for herself.

As she rounded the corner and pulled into the parking lot, Alex grabbed her overnight bag and turned off her car in one smooth swoop before running to the doors as fast as her swollen feet would carry her.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: Alrighty Folks...let's do the time warp. This chapter picks up during "Ghost" so yes, there are spoilers. Additionally, I screwed up a bit of medical terminology in a previous chapter. I meant "In vitro procedure" instead of "insemination." Don't worry, this chapter will explain.

I disclaim. Noone but Adia is mine. Any quotes you recognize are property of SVU and whoever wrote them. :)

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"Are we going to need lawyers?" Olivia questioned Casey angrily. She wasn't sure where her anger at Casey came from...technically none of this was Casey's fault.

"Not if we're lucky."

A small cough started the detectives, who turned to the opening door of Casey's office. A blonde woman, wearing a pale purple coat stood in the doorway.

And with that, Olivia's entire world righted itself, "Alex."

"You didn't have to come back." Elliot's voice sounded far away.

"I know. But who else is going to get you out of trouble?" Alex's voice sounded different, but Olivia didn't care. Alex could have come back speaking Spanish and Olivia wouldn't have cared.

"Before we get reacquainted, they're waiting for us in court," Angrily, Casey breezed back Alex, not sparing her a second glance.

Olivia didn't move. She stared at Alex, trying to take everything in at once. Then, without hesitation, she threw herself at the former ADA, wrapping strong arms around the woman, pulling the willing body into her embrace.

"Alex," she said again, reverently.

Alex pulled away from the embrace first, however uneager, "Olivia. I...I have something to show you," she began, not exactly knowing how to break Adia to the detective. she reached into her attaché, pulling out the scrapbook she'd started when Adia was nothing more than a seven-week-old mass of cells. She said nothing as she held the book out to her former lover.

Olivia's eyes widened, accepting the scrapbook and taking in the name on the cover. Adia Grace, the pink book read in flowing script.

"Is this our...your..." Olivia's voice trailed off as she opened the book, paging slowly though weeks of belly pictures, letters from Adia, and ultrasound pictures. She lifted her head up, eyes wide and brimming with tears.

"Her name is Adia," Alex said, "Um, like the book says. She'll be a year old in three weeks."

"Is she...is she here?" Olivia leaned back on Casey's desk for support. The shock of Alex's unexpected arrival coupled with the most earth shattering news she'd ever received had left her legs weak.

"Yes. She's at the hotel with an agent. I didn't want to...I didn't know. And I thought..." Alex let her voice trail off, hoping Olivia would gather the gist of her ramblings.

Olivia wiped frantically at the tears that threatened to spill, then took Alex back into her arms, "I never want to let you go again."

Alex felt the familiar ache of held-back tears bloom behind her eyes, "Come with me to the hotel right now. I'll come back tomorrow and speak with Casey about the case...but tonight, tonight can be just us."

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Olivia opened Alex's door for her, then walked around the car to the driver's side, "Cragen said I could take the rest of the day," she explained unnecessarily.

Alex nodded, reaching again for Olivia's hand as soon as she was seated. She didn't want to let go now that she had her back.

Olivia opened her mouth as if to speak, and then snapped it shut several times before spitting out, "There is so much I want to say to you, but my brain just can't sort these things and make them come out coherently," she took a deep breath, "Oh God, Alex."

Alex closed her eyes against the overload of emotions, "I know," she whispered.

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Olivia pulled up to the hotel, parking the car and rushing to Alex's side. She felt clingy, but she reasoned she had a fairly airtight excuse for not wanting Alex out of her sight. She clung to Alex's arm as they walked to the elevator, rode up three floors and walked to Alex's hotel room door. Olivia took a steadying breath as Alex unlocked the door. Giving Olivia one last look, Alex pulled her into the hotel room, "Andrew? Andrew, where are you?"

A male voice answered from Alex's bedroom, "We're in here. Just giving the princess a diaper change." A tall man with ash blonde hair and striking green eyes entered the sitting room, a beautiful infant balanced on his hip. Upon seeing Olivia, his eyes widened slightly and he handed the baby to Alex, making an excuse about guarding the living room while the women spoke in the other room. Alex made to walk to the bedroom, but Olivia didn't move from her spot in the sitting room. She stared at the baby, the baby with brown hair and brown eyes. Adia held her mama's gaze steadily, then leaned out of Alex's grasp towards Olivia. Olivia opened her arms to the child, and Alex let Adia push into Olivia's eager hands.

Wide eyes turned to Alex, "She's..."

Alex shrugged, "I never had her tested, the doctors here don't know anything about my past. I assume she's from your egg. It really doesn't matter to me. In fact, I'm kind of glad she's yours."

"She's not mine, Alex," at Alex's horrified look, Olivia continued, "She's ours," she ran her fingers down Adia's baby soft cheeks, "I missed so much."

At that comment, Alex pulled Olivia into the bedroom, picking up a small suitcase on the way. Olivia cradled Adia close to her body and Adia seemed surprisingly relaxed in her arms. Alex set the suitcase on her bed, pulling the zipper open and exposing several scrapbooks, videotapes and photo albums.

"I tried to document everything, Olivia. From the moment my pregnancy was confirmed until today. Everything I could take pictures of is in here. These are for you to keep, regardless of..." her voice trailed off again. Olivia knew what she was saying. That in a few days, Hammond would collect Alex and their daughter and they would leave her alone again.

Olivia was torn between wanting to talk to Alex and wanting to see all the pictures. Alex made the choice for her, taking her arm and guiding her to the bed. Alex curled up next to Olivia and Adia, and opened the first book, the book she'd brought with her to the station house.

"Here," Alex said softly, pointing at a picture of herself with auburn hair, "This is the day I found out I was pregnant. I'd know it for a week, but the doctor confirmed," she turned the page, "and here's me three weeks later. I hated the early weeks of pregnancy...I just looked chubby. But I was glad to be blonde again. I told them I wouldn't dye my hair while I was pregnant, even if some people say it's safe."

Olivia snorted, "You do not look chubby, Alex. You look beautiful," she ran her fingers over the picture, "I wish I had been there for you. With you."

"I wish you had been there too," Alex sighed, flipping the pages of the scrapbook, stopping occasionally to further explain a picture. Olivia laughed at the pictures of Alex's stomach painted as a goldfish bowl.

"I saw that on a website and had to attempt it," Alex laughed.

Olivia's smile faded as she turned to the end of the book, seeing Alex alone in the whirlpool at the birthing center, "Didn't anyone..didn't you have anyone to go with you?" she asked softly.

"No," Alex spoke firmly, "I didn't want anyone there. Not if you couldn't be there. There were nurses I had gotten to know during my pregnancy. Margaret came even though she wasn't on duty and took pictures for me. Jake ran the video," she pointed at the suitcase, "It's in there, if you want to watch me scream like a small child later."

Olivia tried to laugh but only managed a strangled sob, "I'm so sorry, Alex," she whispered, "I would have been there if I could have..."

"I know, Liv. I know, and it's okay," Alex said, reaching over to run her hands through Olivia's hair, "I could have asked someone to come with. I didn't want to share her with anyone but you."

Olivia looked down at Adia, not knowing how to respond. She found the baby had curled into her mama in sleep, pulling a tiny fist up to her mouth.

"Here," whispered Alex, "Let's lay her down, and then you can I can talk. I want to tell you everything and I want to know everything I missed," she took the baby from the cradle of Olivia's arms, laying her carefully in her playpen. She returned to her spot on the bed, nestling herself into the confines of Olivia's arms, feeling truly safe for the first time in almost two years.

"I love you, you know," Olivia said.

Alex smiled, "I'm glad. I love you, too."


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia smiled at the woman snuggled securely in her arms, "So, you said something about watching you scream like a small child?"

Alex groaned, pushing her face further into Olivia's chest, "Right now? That's what you want to do?" she ran gentle fingertips down Olivia's neck, tugging gently at the collar of Olivia's shirt.

Olivia pulled Alex's fingers away from her neckline, "Honey. Yes, that's definitely on the agenda for tonight, I promise. We have all night. But first, please...I just want to make up for time I've missed."

Alex nodded. She understood Olivia's need to catch up on Adia's life, it was the entire purpose for the thousands of pictures and video she'd brought to give to Olivia. And she knew that, more than likely, in a few days time Hammond would come to take her and Adia away again, and she'd have to rip Olivia's heart out again.

"Okay," she said gamely, "I'll make a deal with you. One video. Then I get to have my way with you."

"Still making deals, counselor?" Olivia joked without thinking. Alex's eyes clouded over for several seconds before she swallowed the sob that threatened to burst from her chest. She smiled too brightly at Olivia, pulling herself from the warm embrace and going to the suitcase, pulling the tape labeled "Adia's Birth" from the full case.

"Here," she said, holding out her hand to help Olivia to her feet.

"Alex..." Olivia started.

Alex shook her head, "Just, don't, okay? Don't. I'm not "Counselor" anymore. I've dealt. Now, c'mon, let's show you our daughter."

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"Hi Emily! Say something for the camera!"

"Hi, Jake. Nothing exiting is happening yet, you don't need to film me yet!"

"C'mon, Emmy. You're about to become a mommy, this is already exciting."

Alex consented, smiling and waving at the camera, "I don't know what to say. Adia, honey, this is me pre-you," she turned to the left, placing her hand on her stomach, "and I am quite excited to make sure my feet are still down there somewhere. I'm even more excited to meet you. Now, do mommy a favor and come out nice and quick and make this as painless as possible for everyone."

Jake snorted from somewhere behind the camera. He moved the camera around the room of the birthing center, showing the camera the bed, the TV, and the huge whirlpool tub. Alex's voice sounded from behind the camera, "I'm getting in there as soon as possible. You just video the other stuff while I lumber around."

The camera went fuzzy for a minute or two, and then picked up with Alex lying in the whirlpool, a blue bikini top covering her chest. She smiled at the camera again and then spoke to someone off camera, "Margaret, would you take pictures of the room for me? I want to make sure I have video and pictures of everything for Adia's scrapbook."

"You and your scrap booking, Emily," a voice that could only have belonged to Margaret teased, "That poor girl's first boyfriend won't know what hit him."

"My daughter is not dating. Ever," Alex said decisively, "So she can just sit home with her momma and watch late night reruns through high school."

The video ran in much the same snarky fashion on and off for several hours. When Jake did stop the camera, he showed the time change by filming the large clock on the wall.

The camera panned over Alex, her blonde hair tugged back in a half hearted attempt at a pony tail, chunks of hair plastered to her skin by sweat. Her eyes closed and she laid her head back, breathing hard through a contraction. As they grew stronger, her breathing turned into soft moaning and towards the end she did, indeed, scream like a little girl. Her knuckles were white as her hands gripped the sides of the tub and her head was thrown back against a rolled up towel. Margaret attempted to wipe her head with a damp cloth but Alex pushed her hand away, instead taking the washcloth and wiping her own forehead before laying her head back down.

Jake took careful documentation of the clock, turning five hours labor into a five-minute montage of a barrage of clips of the clock, of Alex, and of various and sundry room decorations. Finally, the clips stopped and the camera focused on Alex. Her jaw was clenched, eyes screwed shut, hands balled into fists at her sides as a voice off camera counted slowly to ten in a calm voice.

"Emily, honey, reach down and feel your daughter," the off camera voice of the doctor took Alex's attention off the pain and she unballed her fists, reaching for her daughter, "one more push and you'll be a mommy."

The calm voice counted, Alex tipped her chin down to rest on her chest and grunted with the strain. Suddenly her head shot up, eyes wide and Dr. Harrison reached into the water, pulling Adia from the liquid and suctioning out her nose and mouth before placing her on Alex's chest. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she looked at her daughter. She picked up each hand and foot, counting fingers and toes and examining the tiny appendages.

"Hi Adia," she whispered, "I'm your mommy and I am going to love you so much."

Margaret came over, cutting the umbilical cord and taking Adia from Alex. At Alex's somewhat angry look, Margaret chuckled, "Five minutes, Emily. I promise."

The camera followed Adia to the scale, but from the bathtub Alex's voice was clear, "You're not even on duty, Margie. You just wanted to hold the baby. Five minutes, and you bring her right back."

The camera caught Margaret's chuckle as she place Adia on the scale and checked her height, "18 inches long. Six pounds, eight ounces. Apgars of 8 and 10. She's perfect, Em."

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Olivia raised a tear stained face to her lover, who had been watching Olivia more intently than the video.

"You did so good, Alex. You were all by yourself," she hugged Alex tighter, trying to control her sobs, "She was so beautiful, she is so...Thank you, Alex. Thank you for bringing her to me. And for taking all those pictures and the scrapbooks. It means a lot to me."

"I never forgot you, Olivia. And I tell Adia about you every night. She's seen all the pictures of you I have and every night I tell her that her mama loves her."

Olivia pushed her lips against Alex's in a crushing kiss, pulling away only when she needed to breath, "Don't ever forget how much I love you, Alex. How proud I am that you're so brave and how beautiful you are," nimble fingers slid under the hem of Alex's shirt, "God, Alex, I missed you."

Alex pulled Olivia in for another searing kiss, tugging the brunette down to cover her slender body on the couch.

"I know, Liv. I know and I love you too. So much."


	5. Chapter 5

It had been nearly two years since Olivia had felt Alex's body below hers, and every touch sent nerve endings firing. Olivia moved her hands underneath Alex's sweater, sliding her palms up Alex's waist to cup soft breasts through Alex's silky bra. She let her thumbs brush against the outline of nipples, felt them harden under her gentle touch.

Below her, Alex had thrown her head back, exposing the curve of her neck. Olivia took advantage of the easy access and ran her tongue down Alex's neck, kissing her way down. Alex's hips bucked as Olivia applied gentle pressure to her breasts.

"Clothes...off. Please, Liv?" Alex bit out, eagerly anticipating Olivia's hands elsewhere. Her lover complied, working the sweater over her head and hanging it on the back of a chair. She was less careful with the bra, unsnapping it quickly and throwing it to the floor. Olivia stared for a moment at Alex's breasts, bigger than she remembered, nipples just a little darker, before attacking them, pulling one nipple into her mouth, biting gently while working at the other with her fingers. Alex slid her hands down Olivia's sides to the hem of her shirt, pulling Olivia's t-shirt from her waistband and working at the button on Olivia's pants. Just as Olivia switched to the other breast, Alex pulled the zipper down and smoothed two fingers over Olivia's sensitive flesh. She moaned into Alex's chest but did not pull away, even when Alex used her other hand to attempt to pull Olivia's shirt off.

Finally, Olivia released Alex, allowing her to pull the shirt off. She snorted delicately as Alex threw it away from the bed. She gave Olivia a gentle shove off of her, rolling over to cover Olivia's body with her own.

Olivia grinned, "In a hurry, Alex?"

Alex leaned forward, catching Olivia's lower lip between her teeth, "Mmmhmmmm," she purred, teasing Olivia with two fingers poised at her entrance. Olivia's intake of breath was all the encouragement she needed, pulling down her lover's jeans with one hand and sliding two fingers quickly into Olivia. Olivia moaned, grabbing at Alex, pulling her in for a bruising kiss.

As Alex increased speed, Olivia's hands sought purchase, pulling at handfuls of the bed sheets and running her fingers through Alex's long hair. Her hips had long since taken on a mind of their own and they moved to an unconscious rhythm as Alex added another finger, circling Olivia's clit with her thumb.

"Alex," she managed, having long since lost the verbal capacity for any other words. Alex gave her a predatory smile, then slid down Olivia's writhing body. She moved a third finger deep into her lover as Alex took her into her mouth, allowing her tongue to gently tease over Olivia's clit. Olivia pulled her legs up, bending her knees to give Alex easier access as she knelt between Olivia's legs, alternating quick thrusts with calm, smooth strokes of her tongue. Olivia's eyes were closed in bliss and Alex relished the power she had over the other woman. She could feel Olivia's orgasm building as her inner walls clenched against her moving fingers and she quickened her pace, applying more pressure with her tongue as Olivia finally let go of the abused blankets and gasped out her lover's name. Minutes passed as Alex continued her rhythmic strokes and Olivia came down from her orgasm, finally allowing her eyes to blink open at the beautiful blonde between her legs.

"Hi," she smiled brightly.

"Hi, yourself. How are you feeling?" Alex returned her smile.

"Mmhmmm," Olivia moaned, stretching her arms out above her head, "Better now."

Before Alex knew what had happened, Olivia had flipped their positions, leaving Alex flat on her back and Olivia half kneeling, half lying on top of her.

"You are amazing," Olivia whispered, resuming her previous position of dominance. She used the tips of her fingers to trace silvery stretch marks down Alex's stomach. When she reached the waistband of Alex's jeans, she wasted no time in pulling apart the snaps on the button fly and pushing the material away to reveal a triangle of black lace. She needed no more incentive. She ran her fingers around the waistband of Alex's pants, then gently tugged them off, throwing the jeans to the floor. Alex lay back, watching Olivia with dark eyes. Instead of pulling the panties off, Olivia slipped two fingers under the elastic, sliding her fingers through Alex's soft folds. Alex's back arched, pushing her towards Olivia's exploring fingers. Olivia knelt between the blonde's legs, moving her fingers away only long enough to tug Alex's underwear down over her toned legs and throw the offending garment across the room. She slid her palms under Alex's ass, lifting her lover up off the bed before taking her into her mouth, sucking gently on her clit. Alex moaned, her hands coming to rest in Olivia's hair. She tried vainly not to push Olivia into her, instead twining her fingers in Olivia's cropped hair. Olivia lapped at the wetness gathering in Alex's folds, eager to make up for time lost. One hand moved from under Alex to her breast, cupping the weight before running soft fingers over sensitive nipples.

Just as Alex felt her orgasm building, Olivia slid two fingers into her and pushed her right over the edge. Olivia smiled to herself as Alex's body trembled with her release, almost proud that she remembered how to play Alex so well.

Alex opened bright eyes to find that Olivia had crawled up from her previous position to lie next to Alex. Sighing deeply, Alex pulled the covers over them, nestling into Olivia's arms, wrapping them around her and holding them in place with her hands. Olivia placed loving kisses on the top of Alex's head, working her way down her neck, and kissing her ear softly. Alex turned her head, capturing Olivia's lips.

"I missed you so much, Liv," she whispered as her eyes finally drifted shut.

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Watching Antonio walk from the room, scared and alone, Alex felt her heart break. He truly had no one left in the world, and now they were asking the impossible from him. To go in front of a jury...to go in front of the man who'd shot his family, and tell the Judge exactly what he'd witnessed.

"If Antonio doesn't testify, we're screwed," Casey told her, pointing out that which Alex already knew.

"I know," she said, pausing. She thought of Adia and Olivia, safe together, and wondered what her little girl would do if she were in Antonio's position, "We should keep preparing my testimony," she said, hoping that repetition would make her less nervous.

"Y'know, we've gone over all my questions. I think you're ready."

"Are you?" Alex shot back without thinking, taking her frustrations and fears out on the person nearest to her, "I'm sorry, Casey. That was...out of line."

"It's got to be hard, to be on that side of the courtroom," Casey sympathized. It was hard for her, too, she wanted to yell. Hard to come here to replace the Golden Girl and then, just as she was beginning to get her footing, to have her come waltzing back.

Alex nodded, not wanting to delve into details with this person she knew solely in the professional sense. She wanted to go back to the hotel room, where Olivia was, where she was allowed to be afraid. Where she wouldn't be judged and held up next to the image she'd left behind. Because as much as she wanted to deny it, she wasn't the same Alex Cabot anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Adia, breastfed and changed, had finally been laid down to sleep. Elliot smiled at the baby, a tiny miniature replica of his partner, and then turned to Alex, "Wanna play? I brought games."

Alex grinned, "Sure. Whatcha got?"

As Elliot listed off choices, Alex tried not to stare at her watch. Olivia would be here. 8 pm at the latest, she'd promised. And she did enjoy being with Elliot. He was good company, keeping her mind off the horror that tomorrow would bring.

Three games, and three losses, later Alex glanced up at her friend, "You win. Next game, your ass is mine."

Elliot dropped the dice, "You're going to do great tomorrow," he said simply, not knowing what other comfort he could offer.

A knock at the door startled them. It was only 7, but Alex hoped that Olivia'd managed to get away sooner. Elliot pulled his gun and waited for the person to talk.

"Hey, it's Liv. Open up," Alex about sighed in relief and Elliot opened the door.

"Go home, get some rest," Olivia spoke to her partner, then smiled at Alex, "Hey."

Alex smiled back, hoping to cover the fear behind her eyes. Elliot said goodbye and headed for the door as Olivia dropped her overnight bag on the bed, "You wanna keep playing?"

Alex most certainly did not want to keep playing. She made a non-committal shrug, wrapping her arms around herself and walking towards the giant window, "I wish these opened. I want to smell the city."

"You mean the rotting garbage and diesel exhaust?" Olivia teased.

"Wisconsin is so quiet at night," bit out Alex, as though Wisconsin had both kicked her puppy and taken her ice cream.

Olivia leaned against the window, watching the tears brim Alex's eyes but not fall, "Are you making any friends?"

Now or Never, Alex thought, "There's a man at the insurance agency where I work. He's a good man...and when we're in bed together at night he whispers my name...Emily."

Olivia swallowed the sob that was building in the back of her throat, "It's hard to be someone that you're not," she managed, refusing to acknowledge the tears building in her own eyes by wiping them away.

"Sometimes, when I get homesick, I hum the Mr. Softee song," Alex said, refusing to comment any more on Martin or on being someone that she wasn't.

Olivia wanted nothing more than to pull Alex into her arms as Alex finally allowed her fears a voice, "I can't stop thinking like a prosecutor. It should be me up there tomorrow, trying the man that shot that little boy. He's going to sit there tomorrow, looking like a perfect gentleman. He's going to charm the jury with his Irish brogue and I don't know how to show them..."

Olivia turned away, rooting in her bag, "Alex, you didn't see this file."

Alex's mouth dropped as she opened the manila envelope, reading his secrets and slipping more and more into the Alex of two years ago. She moved slowly over to the couch, allowing Olivia to sit down and then settling into the space between Olivia's legs as her legal mind woke up from two years rest and begin to process the information within the file.

Two hours later, Alex felt one hundred times more confident. Reassured that tomorrow would not be a complete bust, she turned in Olivia's arms, planting kisses along her jaw line.

"I love you, Olivia," she whispered, hoping Olivia wouldn't want to pursue earlier comments.

"You know I love you," Olivia said, taking the file from Alex and setting it on the table, "But I know how hard it is to be alone. You don't need to feel guilty for seeking out someone..."

"It didn't start like that," Alex said, needing to explain. Olivia raised her hand in acceptance but Alex barged on, "He was kind to me when I was new. He was so nice to me during my pregnancy, Olivia it just happened. I...I needed someone. To touch me, to show me I was still alive. Because it hurt so much not having you with me..."

Olivia smoothed Alex's hair away from her face, "Shhh. Alex, honey. It's okay. I understand. I didn't expect you to go about the rest of your life alone. I want to be there for you, baby, but if I can't, I want you to know it's okay that you meet people. I don't want you to be alone."

"I don't want anyone but you, Liv," Alex said, wrapping her arms tight around Olivia and snuggling closer, "I wish this was over. I want to come home."

"I want you home, too. You and Adia."

As if on cue, a tiny wail was heard from the other room, "You woke her up!" Alex teased, pushing herself out of Olivia's embrace. As she went to go get Adia, Olivia stopped her.

"Let me? Please," Olivia asked, standing and walking towards the tiny sobs. Alex conceded easily, sinking back into the couch as her girlfriend went to get their daughter.

"I think she's hungry," Olivia guessed, gently rocking Adia in her arms, "Her diaper's clean."

Alex grinned, "Yes, you're probably right. She eats like her mama," she said, raising an eyebrow at Olivia and taking the blanket wrapped baby from her arms. Unconsciously, she pushed up her shirt and unsnapped the clasps on her nursing bra, bringing Adia close to her. Adia latched on immediately, dark eyes watching her mommy as she nursed.

Olivia stared openly at Alex and Adia, not exactly knowing what to do. IDo I go into the other room or do I.../I

Alex looked up from her daughter, catching the panicked look in Olivia's eyes, "Here, sweetie. Come sit by us," she patted the couch, "It's okay, I'm used to this."

Olivia perched on the couch arm, scooting in closer at Alex's look. She peered over Alex's shoulder, watching as Adia's eyes begin to drift shut in sleep, "Maybe she wasn't hungry. Maybe she was just bored."

"She does that sometimes. I think she misses out on the action and wants to be part of whatever is going on in the room she isn't in. She's nosey," Alex said, leaning over to kiss Olivia, "Like someone else I know."


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm a detective. It's my job to be nosey," Olivia responded, shooting an annoyed glare at Alex. She held the expression for several seconds before joining Alex in her laughter, "Okay, so maybe I am a little nosey. Never heard you complain before."

Alex leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder, pulling Adia close, "Wouldn't dream of it."

Olivia woke slowly, her neck popping as she stretched. Some how, she had ended up curled into Alex's warm body on the couch, Adia snuggled into her stomach. The baby slept soundly, her tiny fist balled up and tucked under her chin. Olivia moved slowly, sliding away from Alex's embrace to carry Adia to her playpen. The clock on the microwave read 3:24 am and Olivia hoped Adia would give her at least three hours of sleep.

She returned to the couch, eyeing Alex and debating her options. The bedroom wasn't that far away, and Alex was slender. Olivia was fairly sure she could carry Alex the fifteen feet to the bed without too much difficulty. She knew she didn't want any more sleep on the couch, and she didn't want to wake Alex.

Carrying seemed to be the best choice.

She slid her arms under Alex's knees and shoulders, pulling Alex towards her. She hefted Alex into her arms, surprised even still at how little the blonde weighed. She took quick, careful steps towards the bed, depositing Alex on the right side.

"Olivia…what are you doing?" Alex mumbled, half awake.

"Shh, sweetheart. Just moved you to the bed, it's more comfortable."

"Mmkay. Love you," Alex said, burrowing into Olivia's arms and drifting back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Adia's babbling woke Olivia before dawn. Alex lay next to her, curled into Olivia's warm embrace. Slowly, Olivia pulled away, tugging the blanket up around Alex before padding over to the playpen to greet Adia.

Adia lifted her arms, her request to be picked up obvious. Olivia gathered the infant into her arms, carrying her into the living room to allow Alex a few more hours to sleep. Adia rooted around at Olivia's breast, seeking breakfast as Olivia warmed a bottle. She carried Adia and the bottle to the couch, tucking her feet under her and pulling a blanket over her feet. Adia studied her mother as she ate her breakfast, identical brown eyes learning the curves of her face.

"I love you, Adia," Olivia told her, brushing her finger over Adia's soft cheek, "I want you to know that. Even if I don't get to be part of your life, it's not because I don't want to be there. Your mommy and I worked so hard to have you. We did, Adia, because we wanted you so much."

They had worked hard. They had wanted a child that was theirs, not solely Alex's and an anonymous donor. So both Olivia and Alex had had eggs harvested, a procedure that was more intricate and involved than they had initially imagined. The eggs were fertilized with a carefully chosen donor and implanted into Alex, two each from Olivia and Alex.

Olivia had never really thought about Alex giving birth to her daughter. When she'd imagined their baby, she'd always pictured a tiny Alex, with those icy blue eyes and fair complexion. She'd never thought about a miniature Olivia. Adia's intense gaze left no doubt as to her genetic mother.

Olivia thought of the 16 frozen embryos at the clinic, wishing they had time to have the family they wanted – 2 little ones, a house, maybe a dog. Certainly not Alex and Adia in Wisconsin and Olivia alone in New York. That had never crossed her mind.

"Anyway, Miss Adia Grace," Olivia said, breaking her reverie, "You are loved. And you are so beautiful. I hope your mommy tells you about me as you grow up. I'll miss everything, Adia. I had no idea I could love anyone as much as I love you and your mommy. You will always be my whole life."

Lying in bed, Alex listened to Olivia speak to their daughter. Tears ran down her face freely. She buried her face in Olivia's pillow, inhaling the scent of Olivia's shampoo, letting her tears soak the pillow.

She didn't want to leave. She wanted to go home with Olivia and their daughter and be safe and happy and loved with Olivia.

Maybe Olivia could come with.

No. That would never happen. They didn't send girlfriends into the Witness Protection Program for no reason. They didn't care that they were taking Adia away from her mother. They didn't care that they were taking Alex away from her heart.

Alex wiped her face on the soggy pillow, willing the tears away. She stood up and padded into the sitting room. The held-back tears welled again at the sight of Olivia cuddled on the couch with Adia. Olivia stared at Adia's tiny hands and feet, brushing gentle fingers over Adia's nose and cheeks, memorizing miniature features.

"Hi," Alex whispered, hesitant to interrupt Olivia's time with Adia.

Olivia looked up from her daughter's face, "Hi. Come here," she requested, moving Adia in her arms so Alex could nestle in and lay her lead in the curve of Olivia's arm, "I love you," Olivia said suddenly.

The dam broke. Alex clung to Olivia tightly, sobbing into her shirt. Olivia let her cry, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Alex, sweetie, don't cry. You'll be home soon. As soon as this is done with…you and Adia. And we'll buy our house and get a dog and we'll just be…happy."

Olivia's words did not calm Alex's sobs. She wanted those things now, did not want to wait until Adia was five…ten…fifteen years old.

Adia, upset at seeing her momma cry, burst into tears and Alex pulled the baby into her arms, hugging her tightly. Olivia watched them, tears threatening behind her eyes. She blinked them back. Alex did not need her to be sobbing right now, she needed someone to take care of her. She wrapped her arms around the both of them, pulling Alex's slim frame into her lap and allowing Alex to let it out, her blonde head buried in Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia's heart broke again and again as she watched Alex cling tightly to her shirt.

"Shhhh," she whispered, running long fingers though Alex's soft hair, "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

Alex lifted her head then, wiping her eyes, "It's not your fault, Olivia. It's MY fault and that's what I'm so upset about. I should have listened to you, I should have backed off. I didn't think of anyone when I went after Velez. I just..acted. I didn't think about Adia, or about you."

"Alex, this is not your fault. You did what any good prosecutor would do," Olivia said vehemently, "And that's why I love you. You don't give up."

"I gave up you for this," Alex sniffed, looking at Olivia with bright eyes, "I gave up you."

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Olivia set Adia carefully in her playpen, dropping a few small stuffed animals and a soft book next to her. Adia giggled, grabbing at the plushy cat Olivia had bought for her. Olivia smoothed the baby's hair back gently.

"Give me awhile with your mommy, okay baby girl?" Adia smiled brightly at Olivia and for a moment Olivia was positive Adia understood her.

Olivia returned to the couch, sliding in under Alex's still trembling frame, "Hey, sweetheart. Come here," she urged, pulling Alex back into the space between her legs, allowing Alex to rest her head in the curve of Olivia's neck. Alex wrapped her arms tightly around Olivia, holding on as though Olivia would disappear any moment.

As though she would.

"When you leave?" Olivia mumbled, pressing her lips to the crown of Alex's head.

"After the verdict," she said, her voice hitching, "After the verdict, Hammond said."

"Casey said she'd call when she knew something. Could be another day or two yet, Alex. Will you go back to Wisconsin?

"Hammond said no, it wouldn't be safe. Adia and I have to start all over someplace else."

Olivia closed her eyes against the threatening tears, "Do you…did they tell you where?"

Alex shook her head, "I don't even know if Adia can keep her name," she said sadly.

"They don't know about her, do they?"

Alex shrugged hopelessly, "I don't know. Maybe. If they were watching me. If they are watching me," she pushed herself tighter into Olivia's arms, trying to get as much contact as physically possible, "Will you just hold me?"

Olivia tightened her arms around Alex and, as Alex drifted off to sleep in the hazy early morning, finally let the tears fall.

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They woke again at 8:30 to Adia's sharp shriek.

Alex smiled, lifting her tear stained face to the noise of her daughter, "That means she's done."

Olivia wiped frantically at her cheeks, trying to hide the tear streaks, "Done?"

"Done with whatever," Alex said, "My mom used to tell me I did that when I was a baby. Wonder where Adia got it," she said, raising an eyebrow at Olivia.

"I've never shrieked," Olivia said, "not ever."

Alex smirked, finally pushing herself away from Olivia to go see what Adia wanted. As she walked towards the playpen she said, "It's okay you know."

"Okay what?" Olivia asked.

"For you to cry," Alex bent down to pick up Adia, "It's okay. You don't have to be strong for me. We can get through this, Liv, together," she dropped the subject, turning her attention to the baby, "You, my dear, stink."

Adia smiled widely, almost proudly at her momma, "Olivia? Do you want to come give her a bath?"

Olivia nodded, sliding off the couch and following Alex to the bathroom. Alex was already kneeling on the floor, taking off Adia's onsie and diaper while the water ran to fill the tub. When there was two inches of water in the base, Alex shut the water off and deposited the giggling baby into the water. Adia yelled with delight, slapping her little fists on the surface of the water and causing it to ripple.

Olivia laughed, "That's adorable!"

Alex nodded, "I think she wants to be a fish. She loves the water."

"I always did, too," Olivia said, still watching Adia splash.

"Here," Alex said, handing Olivia a tiny bottle of baby shampoo, "You want to wash her hair, and I'll go get some clean clothes for her?"

"Sure," Olivia said, taking the bottle from Alex and kneeling down next to the tub. She grabbed a plastic cup from the counter, pulling off the hotel provided plastic covering.

"Adia," she said, causing the baby's attention to move from the water to her mother, "Let's wash that hair, okay?" Olivia dipped the cup into the water, filling it. She placed a careful hand on Adia's forehead, tipping her head back and blocking the water from pouring into the baby's eyes. Once Adia's hair was wet, she smoothed a dollop of shampoo into it, giving Adia a tiny baby Mohawk. Laughing, she rinsed the shampoo from the child just as Alex came into the bathroom with Adia's clothes. Olivia pulled the baby from the cooling water, wrapping her in a towel and drying her before handing her to Alex. Alex laughed as Olivia handed her the diaper.

"You don't want this job?" she questioned, smiling

"I would mess up that job," Olivia said, trying not to think about her lack of diaper proficiency and her one year old. How if she and Alex hadn't been separated, she'd be a pro at the little details of parenting. Now she was lucky to know the basics of her daughter's personality. 

Alex dressed Adia quickly, obviously practiced. Scooping the baby into her arms, Alex followed Olivia into the living room.

"Are you hungry?" Olivia asked, eyeing the room service menu.

Alex nodded, "Why don't you call and get something, and I'll put away the stuff in the bathroom."

Olivia had just placed their breakfast order and hung up the phone when her cellphone chirped. Alex came out of the bathroom with Adia's bathing supplies in one hand, her tooth brush in the other.

"Who is it?" she asked through a mouthful of toothpaste, dropping Adia's bag on the counter.

Olivia looked up, face pale, "It's Casey."

As Olivia spoke to Casey, the color slowly draining from her face, Alex tried to stay upright and keep her knees from buckling.

I'm not ready; she thought frantically, I can't lose her yet. I can't lose her again. Oh god…

As though she were watching this unfold on a movie screen, she saw Olivia shut her phone. She saw Olivia drop her phone, as though it were too heavy to grasp.

She raised tear filled eyes to Alex, "Casey says we have two hours to get down to the courthouse."

Alex crossed the space between then in two long strides, throwing herself into Olivia's arms and kissing her as hard as she could. Slim fingers tangled in brown hair, pulling Olivia's mouth closer to hers, tongues sliding into each other roughly. Olivia's hands pawed at Alex's shirt, tugging it up her waist until they finally released the kiss and Olivia pulled it over Alex's head.

Alex stared at Olivia, lips swollen, "Make me forget this isn't forever," she whispered, lips brushing against Olivia's ear.

Olivia's chest heaved painfully as Alex's hands pulled open the clasp on her jeans and slid two fingers in, rubbing Olivia through her panties. Olivia moaned, unclipping the clasp of Alex's bra and sucking a pale nipple between her teeth and biting gently. Alex moved elastic aside and shoved two fingers into Olivia's drenched cunt, thrusting hard. Olivia growled around Alex's breast, sucking harder as Alex's fingers found a rhythm inside of her.

Olivia's hands moved down Alex's waist, tugging at the waistband of Alex's pants, grinding her hips into Alex's hand. Alex pushed Olivia hard, never slowing her fingers, into the wall and pushed her body against Olivia's. Olivia's hand, trapped between their stomachs, inched down until she reached silky curls at the apex of Alex's thighs. Olivia released Alex's nipple with a slick pop and crushed her lips to Alex's, moaning into her mouth. Increasing her speed, Alex pushed a third finger deep into Olivia and Olivia screamed her release, leaning back against the wall so she wouldn't fall over. 

Olivia rested a moment, taking deep heaving breaths before grabbing Alex's shoulders, shoving her against her previous place against the wall and slipping her hand further down into Alex's dripping pussy. She slid one long finger into Alex, teasing at her center and causing Alex to release a guttural moan. Olivia shoved Alex's pants down around her ankles, pushing Alex's hips against the wall and kneeling in front of her lover. She licked Alex, long and slow, loving the taste of her on her tongue. She sucked Alex's clit into her mouth, running her tongue over the soft skin before nipping at the flesh. Alex's head slammed back against the wall as Olivia slid two fingers deep into her, rubbing her hard until Alex's thighs quivered and her knees buckled. Olivia stood up, catching Alex's slender body and pulling her over to the couch. She laid Alex on the couch, pulling the jeans bunched around her ankles off and dropping them on the floor. Olivia lay next to Alex, breathing in her scent.

"We should shower," Alex murmured, "Adia won't be content in her playpen for very long."

Olivia nodded, her forehead flushed against Alex's soft skin, "Shower with me?"

"Mmmhmmm," Alex said, draping her arm across Olivia's chest and not making much of a move to get up from the couch.

"I love you, Alex," Olivia said, "I just want you to know that. No matter where you and Adia end up, no matter if you have blonde hair or red hair or purple, I don't care. You will always have my heart," she stood then, unwillingly pulling away from her lover, "hold on," she requested, moving naked around the room to her purse. She took a small box from the center pouch and moved back to Alex.

"I'm not asking you for a commitment," she said, noting Alex's shocked expression, "I just wanted you to have something to remember me by…when I'm not there," she snapped open the box, revealing a simple diamond ring, "You are my forever, Alex. Even if it's not how we imagined it."

Alex held out her left hand, shaking, "Are you gonna put it on me?"

Olivia slid the ring onto Alex's finger, breath hitching slightly.

Alex ran the fingers of her right hand over the ring, "I love you Olivia."

Olivia smiled sadly, "We should get ready. Casey will be waiting."

They showered together, Olivia washing Alex's hair and sliding the soapy washcloth over her slim body. They kissed sweetly, gently, under the spray of water and Alex moved into Olivia's arms, letting her tears mix with the water running down her face.

They stepped from the shower when the water began to cool. Olivia wrapped the plush towel around her lover's body, running her fingers through Alex's damp hair before stepping out of the shower herself, moving into the bedroom to dress while Alex put on her make up. Adia was curled around her stuffed kitten, thumb in mouth and sound asleep. Olivia stared at her while she dressed.

"I've only known you a few days and it seems like you've always been here," Olivia whispered, running her fingers over Adia's baby soft hair, "And I don't know what I'm going to do without you when you have to leave." Adia smiled in her sleep, and Olivia's heart broke.

Alex came into the bedroom, hair blown dry and make up carefully applied. She padded to her suitcase, pulling out a purple shirt, sliding into the clothes that came from Emily's life. Olivia tore her eyes away from Alex, taking her turn in the bathroom. She had to get ready or they would never leave.

Just as she had finished the last of her makeup, there was a knock at the door. She cocked her gun and moved towards to door, heart in her throat.

"It's Andrew." The man spoke from the other side of the door and Olivia remembered the man who had been caring for Adia the day she'd met her.

She kept her gun up, opening the door slightly until she was sure it was Andrew on the other side. The tall man stepped through the door, smiling at Olivia, "I'm here to take care of Adia while you two go down for the verdict."

"Okay," Olivia said, "Let me just get Alex. Thanks."

Andrew nodded, "No problem. The less Velez and any of his men know about Alex's personal life, especially as it pertains to Adia, the better."

Olivia walked slowly to the bedroom, opening the door, "Alex? Andrew is here. He said he can stay with Adia so she doesn't have to come down to the courthouse with us."

Alex turned from the window, eyes bright with unshed tears, "I didn't now I could cry this much," she muttered, wiping at her eyes.

Olivia took Alex's hands in hers, "This will be over soon," she said softly.

"I hope so."

"Bye, Adia. Mama will see you in a few hours," Olivia whispered to the sleeping baby, touching her curls one last time before moving with Alex to the door.

XXXXXX

"On count two, the attempted murder of Alexandra Cabot, what is your verdict?"

"Guilty."

Olivia watched Alex's shoulders visibly relax and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around the blonde. She tensed when she saw Hammond come up, touch the small of Alex's back and lead her from the courtroom. She assumed that Alex had details to clear up and relaxed, knowing that Alex would be at the victory party tonight.

XXXXXXXX

Let's get this party started!" Olivia shouted, bursting into the room with a bottle of wine in each hand. She chatted cheerily with her coworkers, jumping excitedly when she heard footsteps down the hall.

"Is that her? Is that Alex?"

The door opened and Hammond appeared. It seemed odd that he would accompany Alex to the party, but if he wanted to be there, Olivia didn't mind. She only had eyes for Alex. Alex…where was Alex? She looked around Hammond for the blonde of her lover's hair, for Adia's inky locks.

"Where's Alex?"

"Marshalls are moving Alex, Adia and Antonio to new identities. She wanted me to say goodbye."

Olivia's glass slipped from her hands, shattering on the floor.

Just like the pieces of her heart.

Hammond led Alex from the courtroom, hand on the small of her back. As soon as the door swung shut, Alex turned to Hammond, a bright smile on her face.

"We did it!" she exclaimed, "He's really done this time!"

Hammond nodded stiffly, "We need to go."

"To the hotel? Why can't we wait for Olivia?"

"Not the hotel. Miss Cabot, we have your new identity ready."

Alex shook her head, coloring draining from her face, "No, Velez –"

"Has men everywhere," Hammond said, "Are you willing to put Olivia's life in danger," he paused, "Are you will to gamble with Adia's life?"

Alex's eyes closed against overwhelming tears, "I need to tell Olivia."

"We're leaving now," Hammond stated.

"I'm not ready," Alex said firmly, arms folding across her chest, "I want to see Olivia. She needs to say good bye to Adia," at Hammond's uncaring look, she hurriedly added on, "Besides, everything is still at the hotel. Andrew is there with Adia…"

"Andrew, Adia, and your suitcases are in the car out back. A car that is leaving in 60 seconds, with or without you," Hammond said, before turning and walking away.

Alex's rapid blinking did little to help her tears. She stared at the courtroom door for a moment, willing Olivia to come through the doors.

Nothing happened.

Inhaling deeply, Alex turned and walked away without looking back. She could not leave Adia. She would not leave Adia.

She paused for only a moment at the end of the hallway, finally giving into the urge to turn back and look towards the closed courtroom door.

"Please, Olivia," she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks, "Please…"

The door didn't move.

"I love you," she whimpered, turning around and leaving Olivia – and Alex Cabot – in the hollow courtroom.

Alex opened the car door, sliding in next to Adia's carefully buckled in car seat. The baby giggled, stretching her arms out towards her mother. Alex wiped frantically at her cheeks before smoothing Adia's hair away from her face. She focused on her daughter's face, focused on the beautiful baby who had no idea what had just happened.

"Utah," Hammond said, "Suzanne Marie Graham," he glanced at Adia, "and take the Benson out of her name."

Alex turned her head to look out the window, swallowing the sob that was building in the back of her throat. She hated her tears. She nodded, not bothering to argue. It would do no good.

A flash of light caught her ring and Hammond's eyes went to her left hand, "Take that off."

"No," said Alex firmly, "I won't."

"Fine," Hammond said curtly, "Married six months. Car accident. Make up your own damn story."

"Mama!" Adia chirped, shoving her bottle into her mouth and interrupting the rapidly building tension. Alex ran her hand over the baby's hair, thankful she at least had Adia.

Silence echoed in the SUV as Hammond settled in. Alex stared out the window, and watched New York once again fade into oblivion.


End file.
